Barely A Promise.

When somebody says that they promise, look at them hard in their eyes.

A few idiots from my family once promised me that I can continue my further education after getting my results and back from National Service in COLLEGE. I told them what I wanted to study when I came back. The idiot whom I called "mother" stared at me fiercely and her face turned sour. Not long after, she screamed at me saying, " I have no money for you to continue studying. Just go Form 6." What the hell was that all about?!

Luckily I planned properly while I was in National Service. I planned to further my studies in a different state doing Form 6 while waiting patiently for my scholarship. The very next day, another idiot whom I called "uncle" sent me a message saying "Can you make yourself free next Wednesday? I'll take you to find a college."

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? They lied of having no money when they thought I was still going to do Form 6 here? But when I told them I wanted to do Form 6 in another state, they come back asking me to find a college here?

This message goes out to all soon-to-be parents or parents :  If you don't fucking have enough money, don't have a child then. What's the point of having a child when you are having problems with your financial. Why drag someone innocent to your grave to let them suffer with you? Bare your own consequences, you USELESS IDIOTS!

Family? No way.

Family? What does it really mean? " Father And Mother I Love You" ? I don't think so.

Try having a highly anticipated alter ego as a father who loves to lie and cause damage emotionally and physically to other family members. Trying to be King of the House? DREAM ON. We lost everything including our house, remember? I will always remember how you treated me when I was young. All the abuse. You have to just wait and see. YOU WILL GET YOURS SOON ENOUGH.

Next, try having a woman that says "If there's anything, don't hide it within you. You're my son. You can tell me anything that's disturbing you. I will try to help" as a mother. But the fact is that she doesn't care and doesn't take any of my opinion into consideration. What does she do best? Nag? Scream? Slap? "Do this. Do that. LISTEN!!! I am your mother. Talk to me properly!!! I know what is right for you! My decision is always right! ". Is that all you can say to me, huh?

A brother? What about it? Yes. He does buy me a lot of things and gives me money when I am in need but what's the point? I rather not accept those things bought / money from plain Poker Bet Winnings. Its all ILLEGAL! And what's the point if he threatens to take everything back if he gets angry just because I don't help him in his house chores, etc. I mean, where are your hands and legs? I'll have to do all your job and you treat me like a servant when you're enjoying your time at the computer? WTF?

Next, members of both sides of the family, doesn't matter whether they are my grandfathers,grandmothers,uncles,aunties or cousins, they are all the same. What am I to you? Yes! You may have the right but what makes you think you can look down on me? You think you can treat me like garbage? Comparing examination results, huh? Tell me, can you do better? Or can your children do better?

"Friends" ? Huh. Don't get me started on them. They can only run when something bad happens. Its GOODBYE, ZAI JIAN, JOI KIN, SELAMAT TINGGAL, SAYONARA or ADIOS!

The only person you can trust is yourself. No matter how close that person is to you, even a mother-child relation, they CAN / WILL eventually betray you one day. You'll never know. Everybody's cruel. Maybe that's just how the world works.

I'm Sorry

The past few days, my heart was actually flowering up. Beside thinking of when will "X" come online after disappearing from the "technology world" for a few days , I chatted with "A" on facebook. I even texted with "A" and I thought to myself.. Is this like a back-up plan? Is God giving me another road/ path to walk on? I even had visions of what a great time we would have though I have never met "A" in person before. But I was actually too naive and I felt like I have cheated my feelings and "X" just by thinking about "A". The next morning, "X" came online and after a few minutes, he chatted with me on facebook and I felt so happy! Then slowly, the feeling of guilt slowly came rushing into my head and heart. "What have I done?", "How could I do that?", I thought to myself. My feelings for "X" is still a secret though "X" actually told our friends that "we are in love" in a joking manner but.. What can I do to make it up to "X" ?